My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
