tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
