How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
