found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
