Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry joeblackjack hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(805): View more from California

saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken

Fav 20 882 3697
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome

Fav 32 968 9499
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(812): View more from Indiana

I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!

Fav 13 2858 983
share tweet
(706): View more from Georgia

Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later

Fav 26 8000 2396
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.

Fav 3 2574 1167
share tweet
(905): View more from Ontario

I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental

Fav 5 2118 1235
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(647): View more from Ontario

Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.

(416): View more from Toronto

I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.

Fav 6 2353 1013
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(904): View more from Florida

GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.

Fav 1 746 381
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(949): View more from California

you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"

(949): View more from California

and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.

Fav 0 71 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT