What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
