rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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