just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
