who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
