my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize