I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
