If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he was CRYING into my vagina
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
