i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
