Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
