dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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