I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
