I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
