My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
