no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
