That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
