They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
