It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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