there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
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Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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