I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
