I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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