I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
