Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
