When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
