so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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