Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
