We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
