After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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