All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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