6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
