Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
