The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
