youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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