i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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