Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Your face is a jimmy john
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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