1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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