I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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