wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
