This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
