What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
