i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
