It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
