anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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