Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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