she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
