Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
