i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
