You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
