I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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