i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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