What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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