remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i came on her dog
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
