The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
