He disabled his match.com account in front of me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
