i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
