His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
