Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
