u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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