i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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