I must be too annoying 4 u.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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