the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Text me some of your sweat
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
