Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
