fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
