I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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