I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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