We won't sleep together?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
